The Missing Pages

I grew up reading fairy tales. Wonderful stories about "happy ever afters" that warmed your heart and made you dream of your Prince Charming. I loved them all--Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White. These stories raised the bar on life expectations. And by design, these stories set in motion a little girl's quest to find that perfect prince. But that was then, and this is now. I am afraid to report that in this day and age, we may be giving young princesses a false idea of the way things really are. And while the essence of the fairy tale should remain the same, I think there are a few missing pages to the story. Here is my rendition....

My revised story begins shortly after the glass slipper fit but before "and they lived happily ever after".

Cinderella was in foul mood today. She had woke up at 4 am and found that Prince Charming was not home. Last night was his bowling night, and she was accustomed to him coming home late on Thursdays, but this was unacceptable. She checked her cell phone for messages. Not even a text! "That darn Prince!" she stomped.

She thought about calling her BFF Sleeping Beauty, but it was 7am after all, and everybody knows that waking the Princess early would not be in anybody's best interest. She called Snow White, who was just too busy to talk. Snow had bathrooms to clean and with 7 men in the house, it was a full time job. Too busy. She then called Goldilocks. "I just can't come over today," said Goldi, "I have to go furniture shopping. Our stuff is either too soft or too hard, I have to find something that is just right. I'm guessing this will take all day. Sorry Cindy, but maybe we could meet for Happy Hour downtown." Cindy thought about this for a while and decided that wouldn't work. Goldilocks was nice enough, but get a few margaritas in her and she was intolerable.

Cinderella's Fairy Godmother wasn't much help. She moved into the castle the day after the wedding. Fairy Godmother was old and she had used up the last remaining bits of her power to get Cinderella married off. And, unfortunately, she did not belong to the Fairy Godmother Union. She was an independent fairy, no pension. Cinderella just couldn't allow her to be homeless, so she took her in.

The Prince finally came home. He was drunk and Cinderella was amazed that he was able to ride his horse through the forest in his current state. She pressed him for an explanation. As it turned out, the Prince was hiding a terrible secret. He had lost his job. Yes, all Royalty and Highness positions were being out-sourced to India. His family fortune had been squandered on the huge balls and events that he had staged to capture Cinderella's heart. The sad truth was that they were penniless. It would only be a matter of time before the castle was foreclosed on and they would be homeless. Cinderella would have to get a job.

With the lack of Royalty positions, there was not much available for the Princess to apply for. She had no education, she never thought she would need one. She had no skills, or at least anything that could be considered marketable. But, luckily, she still had her glass slippers. She took them to the local pawn shop. They negotiated a deal. She was given some cash and 6 months rental on a trailer home on the edge of the Kingdom. Sure, it was small, but they would manage.

She moved the Prince and her Fairy Godmother into the trailer house. She took what little money was left and bought groceries, paid a few bills, and found a job waiting on tables in a local restaurant. At night, she started taking college classes through the extended learning program at their local community college.

Before she knew it, Cinderella was graduating. She had found a way to set aside some money to attend graduate school. She graduated with a degree in law, divorced the Prince and found a great independent living center for her Fairy Godmother. She invested wisely in high yield secured bonds. She met a plastic surgeon, fell in love, and they married and were able to retire at a young age....and they lived happily ever after.